9/52

"A self-portrait, once a week, every week, in 2014."

a double feature of my face this week...just for kicks, and because i actually did something to my hair today. you're welcome. also check out my mad eyeliner skills in that bottom picture #eyeliner game going strong. 

On Friday, we went out to celebrate Paige's 18th birthday - WOO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE! YOU CAN GET ARRESTED NOW YEAH! - and it was a delightful evening. He met at a restaurant downtown (I drove ;)) and had lovely dinner conversation over black bean burgers with blue cheese. After, we retreated back to Paige's for a colossal chocolate cake (with Benedict Cumberbatch's face on it no less) and a polite game of Cards against Humanity which lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Needless to say, Saturday morning was spent sleeping in and recuperating after the late night festivities. As for the rest of the weekend, the Oscar's took up a considerable chunk of time, and the rest of the weekend's activities pale in comparison to Ellen's hosting abilities. 

Something, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but something has been going on recently. An internal conflict of sorts if you will. The past few months I felt like I've been in this rut and not matter how hard I try and peddle out of it I'm just perpetually stuck. I'm bored. I'm restless. Sure I do things, and I enjoy doing them, but as soon as they are over I'm back to feeling the same way I did before. I have this insatiable thirst for adventure, for exploration, for passion. I'm tired of this town. I'm tired of most of the people, give or take a few that I will always cherish (that may be an exaggeration but that's what I've been feeling as of late, and hey I have been known to have a flair for the dramatic.) But I need something that engages me, something that excites me. I don't feel challenged. I don't know what to do - I find myself slacking in my work (not substantially, but enough), not caring, daydreaming about things and experiences that I wish were true, but as long as I'm here they will never happen. I don't have regrets, not necessarily, quite frankly because I'm too young to have regrets. But there are things I would like to forget purely for peace of mind and staying in this town, seeing the same people, going about the same routine every day is not helping me do that. I'm antsy, I need more freedom and independence. I don't want to be trapped and I don't want to suffocate - I want to go out into the world and live; to make mistakes, then learn from those mistakes; to meet new people and experience new things. I just want to go, somewhere, anywhere. 

existential rant over now

kudos if you read all of it

Lukova out