Thank you, Mom. For knowing when I need a hug. For taking me across the country on a whim. For understanding when I need space; and when you don't, for not getting mad at me for telling you I need it. For taking care of me when I'm sick, and knowing when I need my favorite foods. For our regular coffee dates. For gossiping with me. For showing me solidarity and disliking the people I dislike too. For letting me vent. For not judging me. For pretending you don't hear just how terribly I sing in the car, I really appreciate it. For trying to instill in me a sense of patience that I will probably never be able to attain.

Thank you, Dad. For always annoying and embarrassing me at the worst times. For knowing not to ask questions when I cry at books. But for mocking me when I cry at movies, because they are drastically different. For driving me 3,000 miles for college visits, even though I ended up applying to only one of the four schools we visited. For wearing your martial arts Halloween costume not only on Halloween but also very day for the next year. For trying to do Reiki on me even though you know I'll never say yes because I don't believe in it. For taking me and Sophia to the mall every single Friday night during middle school. For your green eyes and your sense of humor.

Thank you, family. For persistently skyping every Sunday, no matter how many times I refuse to show myself on the camera. For being patient with mom and dad and I and waiting each year expectantly for us to come back to Bulgaria. For being understanding and accepting when we moved so far away so long ago. For always having banitsa cooked for us on the farm the second we step through the door. For Grandpa taking me to go pick mulberries with him in front of the apartment. For random walks downtown with my aunt, that usually end with us sitting over coffee somewhere because who has the energy to walk in the sun during summer. For my cousins, older and younger, for making the family a little more sane. For always loving me, no matter how many weird phases I go through (and there were a lot lemme tell you.)

Thank you, Ms. Barbour. For putting up with me and my convoluted mentoring project all year. And for the hell it was that last week of college decisions. For just being the awesome and down-to-earth person that you are.

Thank you, Mr. Logsdon. For trusting me enough to let me take care of your children - you will never know how much that means to me. For teaching one of the best English classes I've ever been in. For taking time out of your busy schedule to do an independent study with me. For being you, and for being cool.

Thank you, Ms. Whitman. For being the first teacher I've had that speaks so passionately about the subject they're teaching. For knowing me in middle school and letting me invade your home for these past seven years, even when your daughter wasn't there! For being someone I can turn to for help. For being honest and open. For being the coolest friend mom I've ever met.

Thank you, friends. For always making me laugh, having my back, and supporting me in my crazy shenanigans, no matter how wild. Sophia, for being there for me ever since 7th grade and for traveling with me and instilling in me your love for theatre and tv. Price: also for being friends since 7th grade, and for always being honest; I know I can always tell you anything. Callie, for being there for me when I needed it, and for giving me that push I need every so often. Davis, for always knowing what to say and knowing the difference between when I need to vent or when you need to go punch somebody for me. Dominik, for always yelling with me in the car because its more fun and for impulse planning your life with me on our weekly IBP/coffee dates. Thank you, Urvi and Courtney and Paige and Annie and Josh and Jessie and Mason and Mary Rollins and Olivia x2 and Paula and Michael and Jared and Leah an so many more for allowing me to call you guys my friends!

All of these people and more, we've been through one hell of a ride together and I'm so thankful you've been right there by my side during. I appreciate you more that these words could ever show, and I just want you to know just how much I value you everything you guys have done and will keep on dong for me!

"The Past is never dead. It's not even the past." - William Faulkner 

The above quote is one of my favorites because of just how true it rings. I like to believe in the validity of this quote because I try to live my life without regrets. In that sense, I wouldn't want to unwish any part of my life; I believe everything that happens happens so for a reason. Sometimes, I live in fear that I, out of all my friends, tends to hold onto memories and the past most strongly. I fear that we will drift apart and lose touch, just because that seems to be the course of nature. I don't handle change well, unless I am the one to choose that change; so Faulkner, you give me hope that I am not alone. That the past never dies, and these past four years will forever be engrained in our minds.

For the 'final thoughts' segment of this, I wanted to do something different, something creative and out of the box. I wanted to make something that would simultaneously remind me to never forget all of these memories I've gathered, while inspiring me keep moving forward. I wanted to be able to have something on my person at all times, or whenever I chose, so that I could always have a piece of my life at this time with me. So I made a list with five different sayings, either pieces of advice for myself, or meaningful memories, goals, aspirations, dreams, or just personal reminders. But each one has a special significance to me. I took those five different sentences, wrote them out sheets of paper, and then rolled them up into paper beads. With those beads I then made a necklace that symbolizes me, my personality, and all I am and all I hope to ever be.

"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."   - The Princess Diaries  

Everybody is constantly talking about 'macro' - the big picture. Of the world, of life, of dreams, aspirations, your hopes and wants. But the simple fact is that I don't know.

I don't know. 

I have no idea what my life will shape out to be. Sure, I can imagine and dream of what I would one day like my life to be but the truth is that in most cases events don't go as planned. I was taught that lesson this year, in a very bitter fashion. I was disappointed and upset and sulking; in fact, I still have not recovered and to be frank, I'm not quite sure I ever will 100%.

But that is not the point; the point I'm attempting to make is that there is always uncertainty, as well as failure and success and surprises. In that sense, is there ever a big picture?

That doesn't mean you shouldn't set goals for yourself however. In fact I believe that one needs to set goals in order to have a purpose. Otherwise, for what end are you working. Life needs to have substance and purpose, otherwise that time spent will soon be lost.

I spent the entirety of my four years of high school planning how I will get out of Kentucky, how far away I'll go, where I'll go, all these different adventures I'll have, how amazing college will be, but most importantly, how I will not be attending the University of Kentucky. Yet, by some twisted fate, none of that panned out I will in fact be attending UK for the next four years. At first I was crushed -- like I said, I still am. But the more I keep thinking about it I ask myself what the point is. I'm not going to change anything. I just have to accept the fact that no matter how aggressively I had planned and pushed for this different future I envisioned for myself, it didn't happen.

At least, for the time being.

That is one of the main things I need to learn to accept, and what I have the most trouble with. Coming to terms with things has never been a strong suit of mine, but I believe that being capable of that is something everyone should be capable of in order to succeed in this world. It will come in handy when you're not accepted to your dream school, when you're not hired for a job you wanted, when a relationship goes sour, anything. The instances to which this could be implied are infinite. And because of that, the importance of being able to move on is weighed even more heavily.

I thought with all of my heart that I would be moving away next year. I thought that was what was meant for me, to go out and experience the world. But just because it won't happen next year doesn't mean it can't happen ever.

I don't know what the Meaning of Life is. It is such an intimate and personal topic that no general umbrella or rule can be attributed to everyone. But what I do know is, now more so than ever, is that we're not meant to be planning the 'macro' and putting all of our eggs in its basket. We need goals to work towards in order to give our lives purpose, but we can not be so focused on shaping our lives a certain way that we miss valuable things along the way, or are crushed if it doesn't work out. I've always had a problem with impulsively investing all of myself in something - anything - and always prematurely. I believe in this: we are here to experience everything that life has to offer; to take pleasure in the present; to not stress about the past or worry about the future; to take advantage of any and all possibilities; to not be naive and miss something right in front of us; to make mistakes and learn from them. We are here on this earth to be ourselves, and hopefully leave a piece of ourselves behind each time we move on to a different stage in our lives. All that's left for me is live by this, and never forget that there is always a reason for things.

Alright, most memorable school moments from the earliest time I can remember up until the present, senior year. I can do this. And go!

Lets see, there was the time that I was starting 8th grade and my friend Silvia was starting 6th grade, and I sat her down on the playground and very seriously told her that if she wanted to be a real middle schooler she should learn and start cussing. I though I was so coolants much older; a role model of perfection, am I right haha?

There was the time our 7th grade teacher Ms. Koontz began crawling on the floor pretending to be a cockroach getting killed by the Orkin man. How that was relevant to class I have no idea, but then again we spent half of each class talking about her cats so...

In 8th grade, there was the time when our chorus teacher Ms. Sogin freaked out on a girl in class for wearing a scarf and then started crying.

Also in 8th grade, our class went to Ecton park where a presumed to be pregnant girl got very very drunk and tried to leave and two teachers and her boyfriend had to chase her.

More 8th grade, my friends and I had this teacher, Mr. Southworth, whom we adored so on the last day of school we wore t-shirts that said "We survived Mr. Southworth's class" on the front and "With all A's!" on the back and I think he teared up a little bit.

Fast forward to high school, there was the time in freshman English when I ate Nutella straight out of the tub with my finger and nobody mentioned anything.

Same class, different day, Ryan and I started our four-year-long running joke that we are sleeping together because he found out that my name was Lusi and he excitedly told me he had a dog by the same name that slept with him every night (...or was it a joke...)

There was our freshman math class with Ms. Bloomfield where each Friday we would have Freaky Fun Friday and watch a movie, eat food, and not do any math at all.

Freshman year during our morning seminar, we got paired up to do a community service project and our group was the most uncoordinated group on the face of the earth. And that's not even an exaggeration. We had one simple task: go do community service somewhere, then make a powerpoint with pictures we took while we were there and make a powerpoint to show everyone. Yes, apparently that was much too difficult for us. We planned nothing, so Ben, without telling us, mind you, went and volunteered somewhere on his own. So then Amaris and I somehow ended up at the homeless shelter and served lunch. Clay however thought we said the Catholic Action Center so that's where he went. And poor Ryan, late to the game, he didn't come with either us or Clay, so the night before the project is due, he sends me pictures of him lifting up a box in his basement pretending to be doing community service asking me to put it in the powerpoint. Needless to say, it went in the powerpoint. But then tree was our presentation! Ben was pissed at us so he made his own powerpoint; Amaris, Ryan and I had three pictures on ours, one of them being Ryan in his basement; and then Clay, being the eccentric guy he is, too school for school, proceeds to pull a polaroid of himself volunteering out of his pants and hands it to the teacher. I'm amazed we didn't fail. Good times, good times.

Sophomore year, there was the time Joey chugged an entire bottle of hot sauce on the last day of school in English, and then proceeded to pass out in the hallway. Our teacher rolled his eyes and went and force fed Joey bread to soak up the hot sauce and five minutes later, Joey who looks as if he's drunk, he comes wobbling back into the room and when we ask him how he is he looks at us, tears up, and says his stomach hurts and he wants to call his mommy. Mr. Behler just kept on rolling his eyes haha.

Junior year, any single day in Mr. Logsdon's english class was a memorable day. But there was one in particular that will forever be remembered. So Andrew is sitting next to Helen and he asks her for some lotion. No big deal, Helen complies. So she rummages in her purse, finds the lotion, but theres only a little bit left so she has to shake the bottle. So picture it, Andrew and Helen are facing each other, Andrew has his hands out toward her, and Helen is shaking the bottle of lotion into Andrews hands in an attempt to get the lotion out. However,  because of the table you can't see Andrews hands or the lotion bottle, and right at the moment Mr. Logsdon walks in, thinks he is witnessing an explicit sexual act in his classroom so he freaks out, while the entire rest of the class erupts in hysterics!

And then finally Senior year -- oh gosh, there are so many for senior year. To name a few, there were all of those trips with Mr. Junker, there was Ms. Hale unintentionally calling Carson gay, Prom, Spring Break, crying over how hard AP Calculus is, all the birthdays and parties, and I'm sure so many other memorable moments!

Q: Were you the youngest/oldest/middle/only child in your family? What were the disadvantages and advantages of this position? 
A: I am only child! And naturally, there are many perks that follow suit with that position haha. It meant there were always plenty of leftovers for me and that the only person I had to fight for shotgun was mom. However, it did mean that at times they were watching me a little closely so I couldn't get away with everything I wanted, like when I tried to scare chickens into the water trough on the farm.

Q: What were the most hallowed rules in your family? Did you ever break any of those rules?
A: Hmm...I can't recall any 'sacred' rules in our family, but I do remember a rule we had to instigate after a certain...event. Let's just say that when I was 5 I really liked soda. But really, if I could have I probably would have ad it for breakfast. I liked it so much that one day before bed, I'm in my princess jammmies, I decide it's a great idea to go take a nice swig of soda. So I open the fridge door, grab a coke bottle from the shelf and take a big 'ol gulp. Which I then proceeded to violently spit up because, unbeknownst to me, mother had decided for some god forsaken reason to put pure vinegar in an empty coke bottle not realizing that it looks exactly like coke! And that there innocent little girls who just really like soda! Naturally, after that the rule became that I had to check with the parents before I consumed anything from the fridge!

Q: Describe the family holiday you most enjoyed, including food, activities, and anything special.
A: New Years Eve! I don't even have to think about that one! The entire Bulgarian community of Lexington gets together, we bake tons of traditional food like banitsa, have tons of salads, and there's always loud music. We have this tradition were all the kids decorate a tree branch with popcorn and dried fruit and string, learn a poem, and then recite it as they lightly beat the backs of friends and family. In return, each person that gets hit has to cough up a dollar or two, you know, to bring in the new year;) I'll tell you, Bulgarian parties are amazing, especially New Years; after the ball drops and the champagne is popped, the dancing begins, and usually doesn't end until the wee hours of the morning. Our record thus far is 5 a.m.! 

Q: What has been your greatest moment of despair?
A: Oh goodness, just thinking about it brings back terrible memories. I was five, we went to Six Flags which  is this huge amusement park here in Kentucky. There, my dad wins me the HUGEST stuffed Scooby-Doo ever known to man. That's not the moment of despair though, that was a happy moment in my childhood. No, the moment of sorrow comes when you fast forward  two years and our family is getting ready to move to Barcelona. When my parents told me I would have to leave Scooby behind, it crushed my little frail heart. I was heartbroken, but I begrudgingly agreed, only because they gave it away to my best friend, Elle, who said she'd keep it safe for me until I got back. That moment came yet another two years later; fast forward again and we're back in the states, and little seven/eight year old me is giddy at the prospect of being reunited with Scooby! Forget about friends; pshh all I cared about was that stuffed dog. But then, then, I come home only to discover that Elle's mom had sold Scooby, to Goodwill. That has been my greatest moment of despair, I'll never forget it so long as I live...sigh. 

Q: How did you and your friends spend a typical Saturday night? 
A: That depends very greatly depending on what age you're referring to haha. In 7th grade, without fail, you could find Sophia and I at the mall, then this pizza restaurant called Smashing Tomato, and then the movies to see that week's newest rom-com, in that order. There was also that time when, I believe it was in 8th grade, I was with Sophia and our friend Makenzi, and we stayed out on the playground across from my house way past midnight. And we were loud, probably incredibly obnoxious to all my neighbors, and I distinctly remember playing hide and seek, or maybe it was tag, and Makenzi tripped and scraped up her knee -- it was an epic night. We didn't get home until past 1 a.m. and had cold pizza for breakfast the next morning. But as we've grown older, we've calmed down from those crazy nights out and now, you can find us hanging out and making dinner together, gossiping and whatnot. 

Q: What was your most memorable school dance? What made it memorable?
A: Well, I've only ever been to two high school dances, but both of them were pretty amazing. The first was our Spanish dance that we hosted Sophomore year and we had Hispanic food, and balloons were everywhere, and Lauren and I danced our little hearts out. I also danced with Wesley that night, to Juanes nonetheless -- a night I'll never forget;) Then the second dance, obviously, was Senior Prom 2K14! Or at least that's its twitter hashtag haha. We got a huge group, dressed all fancy, went out to dinner, and once more danced our little hearts out. And to make the night even more memorable, after 'prahm' (its pseudonym) instead of hitting up the after party, we decided milkshakes and fries sounded like a much better idea. And we were right. 

Q: What will you miss the most about high school?
A: I don't like this question. This is too sad. Why are you making me answer this? *deep breath* I guess I have yet to come to terms with the fact that we will be graduating in little over a week. What I will miss most is the community we have built for ourselves within the Academy, and all the friendships I've built over the four years. 

Q: What will you miss the least?
A: Haha this I will gladly talk about! This question doesn't make me sad like the previous. I suppose what I will miss the least is the class requirements, and the restrictions put on us such as what classes we have to take and what classes we can't take. I also won't miss teachers and students who seem as if they would much rather not be in school and doing anything else besides being in the classroom. 

Q: What one word best describes your senior year? 
A: Hmmm....the one word that could sum up my senior year...I would have to go with INTENSE. That's pretty much become my catchphrase over the past two years! But truthfully, it has been hectic and crazy and intense. But in a good way. There's been drama, but high school wouldn't be fun, hell high school wouldn't be high school, without drama! There's been tears, and happiness, and crazy moments, but the important part is that we've lived through all of those moments together, as a family.

That Was Then...

At age 4, my favorite thing to do was wear fake tattoos and eat french fries with feta cheese.

My best friend was Elle.

Some of my other friends included Silvia. 

My favorite entertainer was the show Totally Spies (classic.) 

The bottom half of my walls were painted green, like the grass'

The top half was painted blue, like the sky;

And they were separated by a band of purple flowers. 

I wanted to become a vet.

When I needed to talk to an adult, I usually went to my mom.

The thing I valued most was a stuffed black and white cat that I called Figaro, like from Pinocchio.

The person I respected most was probably my kindergarten teacher Ms. Davis. 

As a student I was shy and quiet.

If I got into trouble I would run away to the playground. 

This is Now...

At age 17,  my favorite thing to do is hang out with my friends, drink coffee, and gossip. 

But lets not forget spur-of-the-moment road trips and impromptu dinner parties!

I can't be expected to pick a best friend because that is just unfeasible;

So some of closest friends this year include: Sophia, Dominik, Callie, Urvi, Courtney, Annie....and so many more. 

My favorite entertainers include pretty much any character in a comedy tv show. I love em all. I'm not prejudiced, really. 

My room looks simple and clean - neutral walls, gray everywhere, black and white furniture.

I want to become a hodgepodge of things -- I can see myself becoming an author; but also having a museum job; all I know is I'm city-bound in my near future.

When I need to talk to an adult I usually go to my mom. But I always consult the friends first.

The thing I value most is a tie between my phone and my friends. 

The person I respect most 

As a student I am a procrastinator-at-heart, but when I get down to it I am very diligent, creative, and hard-working. 

If I get into trouble I most likely turn on Netflix. 

 For this portion, I decided what better way to map my life then literally on a map. So, enjoy my amazing hodgepodge of pictures on maps of Bulgaria, Kentucky, and Spain, in that order.

• I was born April 16th, 1997, in Razgrad, Bulgaria
• I met a Bulgarian popstart
• Vividly remember choking on fish bone on my birthday (even though mom insists it was a dream and that it never happened)





• Moved to the Kentucky in 2001 - met all our current Bulgarian friends on the plane ride 
• Broke my arm the first day in Kentucky, then immediately demanded mac and cheese 
• Went to Julius Marks Elementary - apparently Clayton Whiteheart was in my class! 
• Used to dance nonstop to Pussycat Dolls with my best friend Elle in her room
• But then Elle moved away, back to Bulgaria





• In 2nd grade, my family decided we were moving to Spain 
• When we got there, they had me bumped up a grade, meaning I was the youngest
• Thus, I didn't really make many friends. Instead I got really into anime
• I got a cat (the logical next step after being friendless and an anime geek, duh)
• Dance with Santiago aka the one that got away -- not relevant, but one of those things I'll always remember even though it was 3rd grade. It's even in the yearbook;) 
• Two years later we move back to Kentucky
• Graduate Julius Marks Elementary and move on to Morton Middle School
• Elle and I reunite! We go to Greece the summer between 6th and 7th grade
• I join Morton Middle Dance Team for all three years
• Favorite people: Sophia W.S. / Mary Lacy / Makenzi Osborne 
• Favorite teachers: Parks / Southworth 
• Visit the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas with my family 
• Twilight Phase with Sophia -- this is when Sophia and I got obsessive about Twilight
• Go to San Francisco with Sophia and family for spring break of 8th grade 
• Tristan Depew wrote me a love song, I can even still recite (if he reads this, he'll probably hate me for telling everybody haha) 
• Go to Virginia Beach with Sophia and Mary Lacy summer of 8th grade 
• Graduate Morton Middle School
• Two new cousins born, each on a different side of the family
• And my older cousin goes to Scotland for college
• Start Henry Clay High School 
• Freshman year:
• Lentz 6th hour English class aka the best class ever
• Art 101 aka the second best class ever
• Go to Bulgaria with Sophia 
• Sophia leaves for Germany :(
• Sophomore year: 
• Friends: Lauren Gilbert, Jared Shely, Laura Anderson, Callie McMullin
• Bonfires at Davis'
• Watching Skins with Price every weekend
• I bailed on AP World History Exam at the last minute
• Went to The Black Keys concert with Lauren during a tornado like champs
• Skyping with Sophia every weekend while she's still away 
• Cincinatti trip with Junker and the Arts and Humanities class
• Junior year: 
• Sophia is back!
• Recovery
• Chicago trip with Junker and Arts and Humanities class
• Governor's Scholars Program during the summer 
• NSLC in San Francisco, after GSP 
• Senior year: 
• 17th birthday!
• Movie dates with Dom and Paula at the beginning of the year 
• Senior Prom
• The moment in which my life is like one big movie cliche 
• Florida spring break trip with Davis and Freddie
• NewYork trip with Junker and Art History class right after
• Two deaths in the family
• Relatives come from Bulgaria for my graduation 
• One of my close friends Nik moves away back to Bulgaria
• Graduation and Academy Medallion Ceremony
• Upcoming
• Go back to Bulgaria for the summer
• Get a car!
• Start college 

"This I Believe" was a five-minute CBS Radio Network Program hosted by journalist Edward R. Murrow from 1951-1955. The show encouraged both famous and everyday people to write short essays about their personal motivation and then read them on the air. This I Believe became a cultural phenomenon that stressed individual belief rather than religious dogma. Since then, the show has been revived on multiple occasions and people have begun writing their own "This I Believe" essays outside of the show. Below are three essays of my choosing: one I agree with, one I disagree with, and one from a figure I recognize, and my responses to each one. 

"Why I Close My Restaurant" by George Mardikian

San Francisco restauranteur George Mardikian tells of his immigration from Eastern Europe to the United States, and he explains how he tries to repay the warm embrace Americans ave given him. 

"When I first arrived, I spoke very little English...practically no money. But I did have enthusiasm, the will to work, and bright hopes for a new life ahead...This wonderful land has been good to me. It has given me friends by the hundreds in all walks of life. I believe that in this society where love and mutual respect are fostered and encouraged, I must do more than contribute my share towards the material and the spiritual well being of all. I believe that friendship, which grows out of love and true humility, is the most important thing in life."

I was able to relate to this essay on a very personal essay. The very way Mardikian immigrated to the United States is quite similar to how my parents and I first moved to Kentucky. Granted, we were not being persecuted, but we had the same dreams and aspirations and Mardikian did. He left Armenia to find "a country that answered all [his] prayers for happiness and freedom. When he first arrived, we spoke very little English and had very little money with us; it was up to us to work hard and strive make it in the country.  Now, more than ten years later, we have built a life for ourselves, one that I doubt we could shave imagined when we first arrived. And, much like Mardikian, this land has been wonderful and given us friends by the hundreds. We have been more than accepted in this society where love and mutual respect are fostered and encouraged, and I do believe that friendship is the most important thing in life. 

"Paying the Rent of Service" by Lee Bristol

In a complex society and a coplex civilization, the individual is inevitable confused much of the time. But I believe that the basic solution of all world and group problems must first be solved by the individual himself. Now each one of us, whether we publicly admit it or not, has a deeply spiritual side. 

"Now each one of us, whether we publicly admit it or not, has a deeply spiritual side. Not one of us can conceal it—scratch the surface and it’s always there. So first of all—and underlying all my credo—I believe in God and in an orderly universe."

WhileI do agree with some of what this author believes in and argues for, the fundamental core of her argument I have to disagree with. I do believe that an individual is in charge of his/her own happiness, that to solve larger problems first a solution must come from the individual, and that the antithesis of all solutions to happiness is selfishness "which is outstandingly the greatest world-wide vice." However, what I fail to agree with is the author's position that this personal solution to the worlds problems is one rooted in religion and a belief in God. There is no denying that belief in a higher power is a solution; however, it is not a universal solution. This approach to self-realization works only for a percentage of the people and there is contrary argument that demonstrates how people have been able to achieve self-actualiatio with this authors belief in God. Eahc person is fundamentally different, meaning that one's religious affiliation does not dictate one's ability to emerge out of "confusion" and find a "solution." Although I believe, to an extent, that everyone has a spiritual side, be it conventional or non, I disagree with this authors assertion because it implies a spiritual side in conjunction with the traditional, single God. There are many forms of spiritual beliefs, and a single belief cannot be mass attributed successfully to the entire population of the world.

"Life Grows in the Soil of Time" by Thomas Mann

German-born novelist, essayist, and philosopher won the 1929 Nobel Prize in Literature. 

"What I believe, what I value most, is transitoriness. But is not transitoriness—the perishableness of life—something very sad? No! It is the very soul of existence. It imparts value, dignity, interest to life. Transitoriness creates time—and “time is the essence.” Potentially at least, time is the supreme, most useful gift."

 I strongly agree with Mann's statement on time in relation to life and existence. A renowned author, most people would recognize him for writing The Black Swan, off of which the recent movie was based. Mann claims that the very idea of impending time, transitoriness, is what is the impetus for humans to actually live. He states "life is possessed by a tremendous tenacity," in that even though the idea of time is conditional, and beginning and end are a human constructs, we have knowledge of this transitoriness thus enhancing our life. Time is related to everything creative and active, with every progress toward a higher goal. This idea is one of the most important characteristics distinguishing human life. It is our knowledge that life ends, that time is forever passing, that makes us strive to enhance our lives and progress towards something, anything. Man is meant to strive incessantly, achieve self-realization, move onward, and upward. And with the idea of time always present, that dedication to push forward is made even more pertinent. Man states, "Whether this belief be true or not, man would be well-advised if he behaved as though it were."

a.k.a what to read at each stage in your life 
a.k.a.k.a the books that have guided me through the years and molded me into the person I am today

Infant

In your newly-born slash crawly state of infancy, before you yourself are able to hold a book upright, much less read words, you should have a significant adult figure read Pippi Longstockings and Karlsson who lives on the Roof to you. Preferably at bedtime; story time is best accompanied by bed time.

These are the absolute best books to engage a youngin' and their imagination. Seriously, what could be better than a little girl with red pigtails that stick out of her head, wears shoes five sizes too big, wears mismatched socks to her knees, has a pet monkey and a horse, whose father is lost at sea but proudly chief of some island tribe, AND who has superhuman strength. And lets not forget Karlsson who is the little pudgy boy who lives on the roof, comes through peoples windows, makes messes in everyone's rooms, eats all the cookies, AND has a propeller attached to his back. Astrid Lindgren will always be one of my favorite authors; brace yourselves ladies and gentlemen, both of those books have multiple sequels. 

Toddler

Ok, so now you've grown up a bit, and as much as you hate to admit it you're ready to graduate to more sophisticated books (even though all you secretly want is to keep rereading Pippi and Karlsson.) But nonetheless, you put on a brave face and pick up the nearest Magic Treehouse, The Bailey School Kids, or Laura Ingalls Wilder and get on your merry way. 

I'm telling you, those books got me through those rocky years in which I was certain that I should have been born a cat (I had mom draw whiskers on me in eyeliner and everything) and when I was so scared of going to school that I pretended I was sick. The Magic Treehouse kids took me on wild adventures in foreign lands with exotic people and animals. The Bailey School Kids made me doubt every single adult authority figure in my life for fear they were an alien or a ghost, but eventually showed me just how far imagination can go. And Laura Ingalls Wilder perhaps helped me the most because seeing as how we had just moved to the states, and Laura had also been uprooted from her home, we shared that bond and helped each other throughout the transition. 

Spain-Phase (or equivalent)

I'll admit, this section is a bit of an outlier. Now I know that not everyone (or anyone for that matter) will have moved to Spain between the ages of six and eight, but for the sake of this section we can call the 'Spain-phase' by its alternate name, the 'awkward-adolescence-stage-in-which-you're-too-shy-to-make-friends-so-you-get-into-some-interesting-things.' Yup, I feel like that one is pretty universal. In Spain, I relied on my trusty characters from Inuyasha, Geronimo Stilton, and the girls from W.I.T.C.H. 

     

Guys, you can't judge me for what I read. It was Spain and I was in third grade -- besides everything in Europe is weird. Yes, I was that girl that got into anime. Yes, I read it in Spanish. Yes, I'm weird. Now to move on from that haha, I truthfully really enjoyed all of these. If I didn't then I wouldn't still have a huge box of them somewhere in the attic! I fought demons and all sorts of evil with Inuyasha and gang. I solved mysteries with Geronimo Stilton, detective sleuth mouse combo, from finding the missing jewels to anything you could imagine. And with the W.I.T.C.H. girls, I accompanied them on their discovery of their powers and their subsequent adventures. I would also like to point out that all of these books had love interests, and this is where my obsession begins...

And just to proe how much I loved these books, here is a ~vintage~ and ~rare~ photograph of Lusi and father, out sight seeing, and Lusi being the geek she is, is sitting there, reading, completely ignoring the sights. Classic. Just look at that headband...and that sweater! Those pants! My eyes!

Middle School

Now here, here is where it gets really interesting. This was the time of fairy books, and Harry Potter, and Hardy Boys. Middle school was also the time I met Sophia, and lets just say it went downhill from there (Just kidding, love you Sophia!) But really though, never forget the time when she and I read an 'adult' book by accident. Yet, what do we do when we realize what we're reading? Finish the book, like champs. It was very good actually, nice plot twist at the end. Terrible terrible writing and structure, but it made for some very quotable lines haha. And also, lets never forget the Twilight phase that followed shortly after.

These were the cool books to read in middle school, so I definitely recommend them. What's better than solving wizarding mysteries with Harry and gang, and then engaging in some lighthearted rom-com love triangle between a human, a vampire, and a werewolf. It doesn't get better than that if you ask me. And if you don't believe that Sophia and I were obsessed with the Twilight Saga, let me just briefly tell the story of how we met.

*clears throat*

It was a fateful Friday evening. Lusi had purchased tickets to the midnight premiere months in advance, planning on going with her then best friend, Mary Lacy. Suddenly, Mary Lacy bailed and Lusi was left sans movie companion! What was she to do but ask Sophia, the girl who sat on the other side of Mary Lacy in choir who always wore that brown Abercrombie bag that tilted her entire body to one side, if she wanted to join. So Lusi did...and Sophia accepted (albeit reluctantly)...and they went to go get dinner...they got burritos at Moe's...and Lusi brushed her teeth in the Moe's bathroom (onions, am I right?)...then they stood in line for an hour amidst the hoards of all the other pre-teengirls...until they finally got to their seats...first the previews...then finally, the lights dropped...the movie began...then it ended...and Sophia and Lusi have been best friends ever since.

*the end*

If I look far back enough on my email, I can still find emails sent between Soph and I obsessing over who their going to cast in the Twilight sequel or flipping out when Robert Pattison cut off his quote (I kid you not, we wrote this) beautiful golden tousled locks unquote. That's right folks, read Twilight - it gets you lifelong friends. 

High School

And now, we are nearing the end of our literary timeline. As you progress from infancy to teenager, my recommended books will guide you through those tough times when all you can truly depend on is the comport of hiding behind a good novel. And ultimately, those books will act as stepping stones up until high school where you will truly dive into real literary masterpieces. In freshman English with Mr. Lentz, I devoured Night by Elie Wiesel and Native Son by Richard Wright like they were candy. In Mr. Behler's sophomore English, I couldn't wait to get my hands on The Great Gatsby, 1984, and Brave New World. That was the year of the dystopian worlds -- I actually still think I have Behler's copy of Gatsby somewhere...oops! Junior year with Logsdon I read and reread Reading Like A Writer, The Metamorphosis, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. And Senior year with Ms. Whitman was just a hodgepodge of wonderful literature like The Importance of Being Earnest, Girl, Interrupted, Hamlet, Lolita,and so many more! 

So many amazing books were read this year (I haven't eve mentioned all that I've read) so it's hard to focus in on a couple specifics. Instead, I'd like to talk about my teachers. From Mr. Lentz, I formed my literary foundation and he taught me the importance of grammar. Also, he put up with me as a weird little freshman who did a presentation on a song about bananas, so he deserves a standing ovation for that. From Mr. Behler I inherited my love for the Beatnik generation, and he led me to find one of my favorite authors, T.C. Boyle. From Mr. Logsdon I learned an outstanding amount of trivia and pop culture information, but I also learned how to analyze literature and read as if I were the author of the piece. And from Ms. Whitman, I learned how to love literature more passionately and more fervently than I ever could have imagined. 

Cheers, and happy reading! 

And here's also to Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Maya Angelou, two phenomenal authors (and some of Ms. Whitman's favorites) who unfortunately passed away this year. I am thankful for all of their contributions to the literary world. 

I've never really considered myself a hard core music fanatic. Sure, I've been to my fair share of concerts but compare me to say Sophia who obsesses over songs (she's actually is sitting right across from me right now and goes, quote "Is it sad that I can't even work anymore without listening to my music?" my point is proven) I am nothing! Whenever I work, I usually tend to turn the tv on - personal preference, I guess. But because of that I can say I've gotten really good at multitasking;)

So yes, that's how it goes. Or at least that's how it used to be. I mean I'm not insinuating that I'm some robot who connects no emotions to music, because that's not true. But this year, I somehow developed this newfound affinity for music. I guess my time had come, it just clicked.

I won't keep rambling about this because what this post is actually supposed to be about is specific connections I feel towards certain music or songs. So, here are some of my favorite songs at this point in time and why I treasure them:

1. Grace Kelly - Mika

 Do not change yourself for someone who says you aren't good enough. 

"How can I help it? How can I help it?
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby, hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink

Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?"

I remember the summer between freshman and sophomore year, Sophia and I in Bulgaria, driving through the country, belting this song out. Every time I listen to it, I go back to that summer and I feel happy. Mika spoke in an interview and said that he wrote this song after another song he wrote was declined. They had told him that in order to feel successful, he had to be mainstream with his first album (Mika is known for his nontraditional lyrics and songs) and then he could do his own thing. He went straight home and wrote the song -- funniest part, he was accepted by another company because of Grace Kelly. Basically, he was unwilling to compromise himself in order to make money. He was not going to sell. However, the best part is that the meaning of this song can be interpreted not only for a career, but also for a relationship, for friendships, for anything. This song makes me feel empowered.

2. Campus - Vampire Weekend

Feigning emotion is always harder, especially when you are trying to repress such strong feelings. 

I wake up, my shoulders cold
I've got to leave here, before I go
I pull my shirt on, walk out the door
Drag my feet along the floor
I pull my shirt on, walk out the door
Drag my feet along the floor

Then I see you, you're walking 'cross the campus
Cruel professor studying romances

How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?

To me, this song symbolizes unrequited love. The speaker ( I assume he is male) and his significant other have just split and he does not know how to recover because his heart is still in the relationship. She is giving him the cold shoulder, hence "my shoulders cold," and he's dragging his feet along the floor because his sprite is down and it seems as if everything is difficult. However, then he sees her walking across campus which believe is the main point, how school is so small and everybody knows everybody, so how can you see someone everyday that you're supposed to be hate and be ok with it. He relates her to a "cruel professor" who's "studying romances" implying she is as cold-hearted as a mean professor, yet she is studying romances meaning she should be romantic. It's a paradox and confuses him even more as to why their relationship ended because her ideas of romance apparently differ greatly from his. Since there is no comma after "pretend", I believe that he really is torn up about the fact that he has to see her everyday on campus and feign as if he is not hurt and still in love with her.

3. Heartbeat - Childish Gambino 

What you want can sometimes differ from what you get, and what you should want. 

I wanted you to know
That I am ready to go, heartbeat
My heartbeat
I wanted you to know
Whenever you are around, can't speak
I can't speak

Every time I hear this song I get shivers. I used to hate rap with a burning passion and had closed my self off from the genre, refusing to give it a shot. Then this year someone introduced me to the genre, specifically this song, and every since I have newfound appreciation, and especially Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino. It also helped that I started watching the tv show "Community" this year and halfway through realized one of the characters, Troy, is Donald Glover. It made me give his music another chance, and I am glad I did. Regardless, I digress; back to the song. I won't go into details, butI will say that this song means a lot to me. Every time I hear it, I think back to that first night I heard it and all that happened that night and the next following months. This song was always played for me, so I never actually knew it until I was on a road trip and listening to a friends iTunes library and this randomly came on. As soon as the first beat began, I froze as the deja vu came over. Between the road trip and the first time I and heard the song many events had happened (not all good) so hearing it again was sort of shocking. Factor in the fact that it was late at night, dark, and storming, which is exactly how the weather was that first night...I'm telling you, it was really bad deja vu. The connections attached to this song are not all positive, however I am positive that I will always love this song, just because it reminds of the time when I felt only good emotions. I also realize I am being very amigos, I apologize. All you need to know is that it is an amazing and powerful song.

4. Tighten Up - The Black Keys

There comes a time when you realize it is time to settle down, but your time may not be the same as everyone else's. 

"When I was young, and moving fast,
nothing slowed me down, slowed me down.

Now I let the others pass,
I've come around, come around.
'Cause I found..."

This song is about a man who used to be wilder in his youth, he was young and moving fast, but now he has changed and "slowed down." However, in his will days he says "I wanted love, I needed love," and now it seems he has found it with this woman. However, she herself is not ready to come down and he keeps telling her "Tighten up on your reigns, you're running wild." It seems he's hopelessly fallen for her, but she is not ready to leave her youth days behind and settle down. The Black Keys were actually one of the first bands I saw live and it is, to this day, the best live performance I've seen. This song reminds that sometimes, no matter how strongly you feel, sometimes the best solution might be to let go.

5. Time To Say Goodbye - Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman 

In Spirit, I will always be with you. 

Time to say goodbye,
To countries I never
Saw and shared with you,
Nows, yes I shall experience them,
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
Which, I know,
No, no, exist no longer;
With you I shall experience them.

This song reminds me of my mom, and all the times we were in the car belting this out. The combination of Bocelli and Brightman is quite possibly the strongest I've ever heard. The lyrics are even more beautiful in Italian. I thought that this would be an appropriate choice considering the end of high school, everybody joining the real world, and beginning their lives. One of my favorite quotes, said by my GSP seminar leader Luke, is as follows: "I don't believe in goodbyes, only in see you laters." He said that on our last day and right now I feel that it is very fitting. Guys, even though it's time to say goodbye, I honestly believe that this is only a see you later.

"What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and moving, how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! An yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?" 

Hamlet  Act II, Scene II 

In Hamlet's quote above, he is trying to articulate his understanding of human life, much like we as graduating seniors are as well. For our final project in English Literature, we have been given the task to discover the Meaning of Life. Daunting, yes; Impossible, maybe. But in searching for the Meaning of Life, this project will serve as a record of who we are at the end of our tenure in high school. While attempting to answer the ever-present philosophical questions "What is the meaning of life?" and "What do I believe?" this project will encapsulate my life up to this point, as well as my outlook on the future.

We could choose what format to present our project in, but seeing as how I've stuck by my resolution to blog all year, why not continue! We have an outline for the natural progression of this final project but I'm planning on putting a little spin on; we'll see where that takes me! Who knows maybe by the end I'll have discovered the Meaning of Life, for myself that is haha. Which in the long run, is all that matters isn't it? Plus, I get to dig through 17 years of photo albums and that will never not be fun. 

me, circa 2001

me, circa now 2014

This first part is supposed to be a cover sheet, but a cover sheet on a blog doesn't really work all that well so I'm improvising. It is also supposed to express who I am as I am about to graduate, so what better way than to contrast a kindergarten picture versus a senior one. Oh man, if I'd had Facebook back in 2001, that so would have been my profile picture...I would have been such a popular kindergartner...